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Texas-isms

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#1 Fogdude

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Posted 26 June 2015 - 11:59 AM

A Texas Ranger is attending a banquet and finds himself seated next to a nice little old lady. As he sits down, she looks at him and comments, "I see you're wearing a sidearm. Are you expecting trouble?" He responds with, "No ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I'd have my rifle."

 

A Texas Ranger is attending a banquet and finds himself seated next to a nice little old lady. As he sits down, she looks at him and comments, "Tell me, why do you carry a .45 caliber pistol?" He responds with, "Because, ma'am, they don't make a .46."

 

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

 

A couple is traveling across Texas & finds themselves lost. The wife insists the husband stop and ask someone for directions. He finally concedes he'll never find his way without help, so the next house they see, he stops and asks the old man standing in the yard for directions to their destination. The old man says, "Well, you can't get there from here. You got to start someplace else."

 

"Don't like the weather? Just wait a few minutes, it'll change."

 

"If this ain't the mess, it'll do until the mess gets here."


I just look at the pictures.


#2 Fogdude

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Posted 24 November 2015 - 04:19 PM

A Texan is starting his Freshman year at Harvard. He walks up to a group of students, standing out on the quad & says, in his best Texas twang (Southerners drawl, Texans twang.) "Excuse me. Can y'all tell me where the library's at?"

 

One of the guys in the group turns to him, nose in the air & looking at him as if he just crawled out from under a slimy rock & says, in his best snooty Harvard accent, "I beg your pardon, but at Harvard, we do NOT end our sentences with prepositions!"

 

The Texan, without missing a beat, responds with, "Oh, excuse me. Of course, you're right. My apologies. Let me rephrase the question. Can y'all tell me where the library's at, A$$HOLE?"


I just look at the pictures.


#3 Hacker Jack

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Posted 24 November 2015 - 10:15 PM

A Texan is starting his Freshman year at Harvard. He walks up to a group of students, standing out on the quad & says, in his best Texas twang (Southerners drawl, Texans twang.) "Excuse me. Can y'all tell me where the library's at?"

 

One of the guys in the group turns to him, nose in the air & looking at him as if he just crawled out from under a slimy rock & says, in his best snooty Harvard accent, "I beg your pardon, but at Harvard, we do NOT end our sentences with prepositions!"

 

The Texan, without missing a beat, responds with, "Oh, excuse me. Of course, you're right. My apologies. Let me rephrase the question. Can y'all tell me where the library's at, A$$HOLE?"

 

I like this one.  I may start ending all my sentences with a noun.


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#4 Murphy041270

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Posted 27 November 2015 - 02:17 AM

 

I like this one.  I may start ending all my sentences with a noun.

:P



#5 Fogdude

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Posted 09 December 2015 - 02:57 PM

Another one I've been using a lot, lately:

 

"You do what you gotta do, 'til you can't do that no more, then you do somethin' else."


I just look at the pictures.


#6 Fogdude

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Posted 18 December 2015 - 09:34 PM

In 1978, when I moved from Utah, (to where I'd been hijacked by my military duty father, from Texas) I strapped my snow shovel to the top of my '68 Cougar XR7 & headed South. Every 50 miles, I stopped & asked a passer by if they knew what that thing on my roof was. When I reached Texas, they all said, 'Nope. I dunno.' It was then I knew I was home. Been here ever since.

 

You don't gotta shovel rain.


I just look at the pictures.