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#1 musicbuoy


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Posted 15 June 2007 - 11:35 PM

An elderly Essex Lady called 999 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the Operator:
"They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The Operator said, "Stay calm. A Police car is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard."
He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."


Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94-year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help
both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."


An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached
across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bedclothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"


80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.
She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute
and says, "Close enough."


Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"


As a senior citizen was driving down the Motorway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Geoffrey, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M1. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Geoffrey "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"


Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The lights were red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to! the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"

It's Nice To Be Nice ............... & It's Free

#2 latinodecora



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Posted 01 January 2009 - 09:18 PM


#3 skurin



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Posted 18 March 2016 - 05:11 PM

Cool stories

#4 Josephreare



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Posted 04 November 2016 - 03:12 PM

ttly watching this i used to draw all the animorph characters in my art-projects for school when i was really young haaha